Stressing

We tried for 9 years to get pregnant before we were blessed with our sweet angel, I am so happy and blessed to have Mason but I would like one more... but what the least few months have shown me that my wish for 2 may not come true... Mason is more then enough but it is hard to think he might be it. I'm 100% grateful four him, I just wanted to enjoy pregnancy one more time and enjoy all the firsts one more time, I just hate how fast mason is growing and soon he'll be in preschool then kindergarten... why does time fly so fast?
The last couple weeks I have been waiting for my period to come and I was hoping to be pregnant but between being sick, stressed and it being my first period since starting low carb out decided to come late... that feeling getting your hopes up and talking yourself into thinking you are only to be disappointed when you wake up and feel the start of your dreaded aunt Flo visiting... but during all of this I asked Chucky if he would be okay if we just had Mason and he said he'd be more then okay, he is a blessing we waited 9 years for, I wish I could remember that, I just wanted one more... as of now we're putting it on hold until May/ June to take a breather and spend some family time enjoying each other's company!
My weightloss journey will be going on a whole month tomorrow, I haven't really lost weight down about 5 pounds but my blood sugars are down and that's a bonus and tonight I planked for 2 min, I'm pretty proud of that!!

                                      Finally feeling better and wearing makeup

Weigh in...

I've been eating low carb four going on 3 weeks now and I was hoping for some amazing weight loss and it wasn't what I was hoping, not even close... I am down 3.6 pounds BUT instead of getting down like I normally do and go eat everything that I've been trying hard not to, I am continuing and today I am going to do muy first colon cleanse! It is 14 days and I am hoping that it helps me restart my system and I'm going to try even harder on how many carbs I'm eating a day!! 
I will say I am feeling better but I am still struggling with things, I went to my befriends house and I wanted so bad the dessert and the bread but I stayed strong and didn't have either but I couldn't stop thinking of how amazing that bread smelled and how yummy the treats were but I know I HAVE to get healthy for my son. I don't wasn't to not be around for when he needs me, i don't want to be like my childhood where i had a mom but her health was so out of control I never had a mom who was there to play with me or to do fun adventures with, I hardly have any memories of childhood because there were no memories being made and that breaks my heart... I just need to stay focused and keep doing what I'm doing!!

Feeling sassy!!

Well shit...

It's been a long time since I've written anything, I sometimes write little notes here and there to myself but I think that I need to start writing my feelings out again.

2017 my goal that I've had for years and years is to lose weight and find myself again. Last week I had an extreme breakdown where I just wanted to give up on everything but I can't because I have an amazing little boy who needs his mommy. I'm just so tired of failing and not following through with anything, I need to be strong and I need to be the best mom I can be!
I'm working on going low carb to help with the pcos and diabetes, I'm not looking to to be a size 2 but damn to be a size 10 I couldn't even imagine, it's been at least 15+ years since I've been there...
Starting weight 230 wearing a size 20 pants and XL to XXL I'd love to be down under 200 by summer, which gives me 3 months 10 pounds a month... Wish me luck!!