PCOS...

I was reading and they said you should write about having PCOS and what it means to me and things..
So I have PCOS (Polly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome) The symptoms I have are very lame.. I have a really hard time loosing weight but definitely not gaining... I am always extremely tired, I get depressed easier then most, I have thick darker hair on my body.. I don't ovulate like normal females.... you name the problem that is associated with it and I have it. It has been a struggle for many years with self image. I became anorexic so guys would notice me and they did... then I fell in love and it was not only with Chucky it was with food.
There is something really weird in my head where I talk to my inner monologue a lot... I am very good at making excuses and talking myself out of things... or into things.
I again have stopped my diet and for no apparent reason and trying to get back on the wagon is not an easy task. I have contacted an acupuncturist and I think I am going to start doing that this upcoming week. I really hope that it will do something for me!
I need to start making the time to figure me out, I spend so much time thinking about work and it is time to start thinking about Chucky and I and what we want out of this life...
I am excited to go on vacation and I plan on doing a lot of soul searching, and planing what works for me. So wish me luck and I will try to get back into writing my journal so I can track what I do not just in my head but on paper... well not paper but you know!
<3

... UGH.... one of those days...

So today started out good I found a new scale and I went to my sisters house and played w/ my nephew and Bella and watched my friend Kam get belly shots... then I came home and I found out my sister is pregnant.... again... It is just so hard she already has two kids that are a handful and she is pregnant again and yet I am still not. It just suck I have nothing I have no career, I don't own a house, I cant have kids, I cant afford to adopt... I just hate living life sometimes and right now is one of them... I am so numb...

Today is the day... day 8

So I havent written in awhile but I am back!! I had a really stressful weekend :/ I dont know what is wrong with me but I am having problems with my scale one day I am way up the next way down... or the oppisite. I dont know what to do it is so frustrating. Life has been good lately I had the best Chicken for dinner tonight I cant believe how much I ate... But I had no rice or anything else w/ it just cucumber! We will see what the scale says tomorrow... TATAA

Today is the day... Day 5

Too tired to write today had a good day got a lot done worked my buns off in the gym. Feelin accomplished!

Today is the day.... Day 4

Today was my day off and it was great!! I got to relax and go to the gym for the first time in FOREVER.. I worked my tush off on the elliptical and I am feeling great I am so excited for this summer to see how hot I am!!! Honestly even if I am not hot but at least a size 14-16 I will be stoked! Man I can feel it now and it feels GREAT! So today Chucky made some AMAZING beef and broccoli it was so good... but I just wasn't that hungry today I ate my egg in the morning and snacked on some cheese this afternoon but just not that hungry so I didn't eat too much of what he made, and after the gym I had cottage cheese w/ macadamia nuts.... I don't know what happened to my appetite but I am ok with it! I need to go thru the house again everywhere I turn seems to be a evil carb from Chucky's birthday or from me not caring what I ate... So I got to give myself props for not eating it even tho I was SO tempted! Well have a good night I know I am going to!

Today is the day... Day 3

So today was not a good day... I had a stiff neck the whole day I took some medicine for it and I got really nauseous and to top it all off I got my review (surprise review) which was a slap in the face :( I work a lot harder then they gave me credit for and I am pissed.
Today was a really hard day for me especially since I am an emotional eater (of the bad stuff). I was so upset about my review and my stiff neck I couldn't even eat. I am just glad I have tomorrow off because I really need to re-evaluate things.
I do want to mention tho my dinner from last night was AMAZING!!! OMG it was good! I was so upset that I was upset that I couldn't eat it again tonight for dinner because I lost my appetite :( but I am sure I can have it tomorrow!! Well that is all I have for today I am going to bed I am upset...

Today is the day... day 2

So it started out GREAT... seriously I felt alive I am like I this is going to be good... AND I DID GREAT!!! I made it thru the whole day of work I gave away my bag of licorice and watched them eat it.. yes it was super hard but I did it!! I fell fabulous making thru my first day at work.
I was really excited for my lunch Chucky made some AMAZING burgers last night and I saved one for lunch w/ some bacon and asparagus.... I felt spoiled! Tonight we are having bbq chicken and cauliflower mashed potatoes :D I am so excited I just cant hide it!! but then I went to walmart to buy some charcoal and all I saw was crap... cookies, candies, chips, crackers, candy, candy, CANDY.. OMG I am like what is with this place... lol but I said NO and made myself proud!!

I also got a text from a friend and she is asking me to be her accountablity partner that is awsome! I cannot wait to do this with her we are going to ROCK THIS!!!
Day 2 success =)

Today is the day...

So I decided this year that I was not going to start dieting UNTIL after Chicky's birthday and Valentines.. Mostly because I hate failing and it would be a guarantee fail if I did it any earlier then today! SO I am ready.. I feel good about it. I cant wait to feel better and I have been having dreams about being a work-out fanatic~ My goal for this year is to be able to run. I have two friends both named Julie who are runners and I totally admire them.

I wish for myself to become healthy and to feel good about myself. I miss being able to sleep w/ out all the issues I have and to be able to be comfortable in the clothes I wear. I just want to be happy and I havent been in a long time.

I am going to go w/ a low carb diet because I know carbs are my enemy and that is where I always screw up and overdose with. I dont think I am going to follow any specific diet because I have tried that and it is so much work having to make sure I am doing it correctly. I have done ENOUGH diets I know what I should and shouldnt do so I am going to try this with out the stress of people or books telling me I am doing it wrong.

I want to join the gym so I hope that I am able to do that. I do have a treadmill at home but Bella doesnt allow me to be on it cause she thinks it is attacking her or something she barks so loud that it is very distracting! I think we are going to go out and take her for a walk.

Well that is all I have I am going to be back more often now that I am starting this new step in my life!!